I think I lost a friend tonight.
I noticed today that a very liberal friend of mine on Facebook, a former high school teacher who I loved dearly and whose classes I remember as some of the very best at TuHS, had posted some remarks about Rush Limbaugh and the contraception debacle on her Facebook page. Underneath her comments, another liberal friend had remarked that all the moderate Republicans, "if any actually exist - they are all crazy right-wingers," would be voting Democrat in the next election after the comments Rush Limbaugh made. He was very rude about a Georgetown University law student who claimed that it cost her and her fellow female students $3,000 a year in contraception because the university did not provide free birth control to its female students. Below that friend's comments was another woman's statement - she said she is a Republican who is not crazy, thanks, but she doesn't like Rush Limbaugh and she is extremely tired about all the over-generalizations and hyperbole flying around in the political arena, especially about GOPers. I responded on my friend's Facebook page by agreeing and saying that we need to stop demonizing each other with words like "homophobe," "racist," "socialist," "fascist," and attacking each other's beliefs like the latest from the Huffington Post "Jesus-easters" or the New York Times' comment about "magic underwear." Innstead, we should talk to each other calmly and with respect. Otherwise, constructive dialogue is useless. My friend's Republican friend responded with, "Amen, Katie!" My Facebook friend didn't agree, and insisted we get back to the point, which is that Rush Limbaugh called a law student a very unflattering name because she claimed birth control costs $3,000 a year during law school when it's not provided for free.
I responded hours later - after all, I was busy having a fun, non-rainy Saturday afternoon with my husband and not trolling Facebook - by saying that while I didn't condone what Mr. Limbaugh said, he was ridiculing her outlandish claim that it cost $3,000 to practice safe sex when Planned Parenthood hands out free contraception to anyone who asks. When I was a married student, birth control was an out-of-pocket expense for me, as my health insurance didn't cover any family planning. I do not argue with anyone having access to birth control, but the government should not be involved in its dissemination; people can fund their own expenses as adults through many different outlets just as I did.
I got de-friended, but only after I was told that I was "scaring her - seriously."
What perplexes me is that I have been accused many times over of being intolerant, prejudiced, hateful, and even racist/homophobic by people I don't even know because I am a conservative and a Mormon. I believe in moral absolutes and I believe that in nearly every circumstance, individuals and societies are better off resolving their own problems without the interference of the government. I have great faith in the ability of people to better their own circumstances - just ask my stepdad, who fell through a three-story building, lost his business as a result, went back to school to get his degree, got a job as a plans examiner student intern, and about a decade later was the head honcho at work. I know that charity is the pure love of Christ and that we should also "impart of [our substance] to the poor, every[one] according to that which [we have], such as feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, visiting the sick and administering to their relief, both spiritually and temporally, according to their wants" (Mosiah 4: 26). But again, I think the private sector does this more efficiently than the federal or state government can. That is why the Wall Street Journal just wrote an article called "What The Mormons Know About Welfare." (The author said, "Mitt Romney has raised the issue of the social safety net. Washington could learn from the lesson of his church.")
Anyways, I have been called all sorts of names by people who don't even know me because I am a religious conservative. Well, get to know me, I think, and you will see why I believe what I do and why I live this way. I try to believe that most people truly do not mean any harm with their beliefs or their lives and that we all want to do good - we just try to get there in different ways. But when someone who knows me and who has taught me and been so kind to me during my life as has my teacher and friend turns around and tells me I "scare her" and then immediately cuts me out of her life like that, it is surprising and hurtful. And it makes me ask myself, "Who is intolerant?" "Who is really afraid?" "Who is it who won't listen and who really doesn't want to know the other side of things?" Because I try to understand, even if I don't agree. I can articulate the position of most people on the "other side" of the debate and see where they are coming from, and do so without using condescending or offensive words. I don't listen to Rush Limbaugh or many of the other radio hosts because I don't like their "attack" style or their contention. The Book of Mormon teaches that contention comes from the spirit of the adversary, and that it is not of God. It is hard enough to view people who I see are harming the nation with terrible policies, disregarding the Constitution, and undermining the basic structures of society like home and family without turning on the radio and adding fuel to the fire.
But when someone you've known, admired, and loved for a long time shuts you out for being an "intolerant," "scary" conservative, that's just a bit... ironic. It raises awkward questions I'd love to ask but I can't - I've been de-friended.
"Baldrick, have you no idea what irony is?"
"Yeah, it's like gold-y and bronze-y, only it's made of iron."
3 comments:
When someone refuses to listen to you share your thoughts, then refuses to give you a voice altogether, that's called intolerance. I don't know how anyone could define that differently.
This makes me think of my sweet MIL Linda, who works so hard to give others the benefit of the doubt, who campaigned for Prop 8 by simply standing on a street corner with a sign and had people yell obscenities at her (on par with and worse than "slut"), then leave their vehicles to physically threaten her while spitting in her face and screaming at her. And they consider themselves tolerant.
Tolerance is allowing others the freedom of their thoughts and actions while continuing a kind and respectful dialogue, no matter what you think of their position. Facebook is hardly the place for that. There is no graciousness in public debate anymore.
I'm trying to be more like Linda, and in doing so, I'm trying to be more "like Jesus," as a favorite Primary song goes. It's not easy to do, but it's what He would have us do, isn't it? Sigh. I woke up this morning and thought to myself, "In the end, it isn't that big of a deal." But I worked a very simplified version of my story into my Primary lesson today on prayer - along with Enos's prayer that included himself, then the Nephites, and then finally the Lamanites, we need to pray for not only ourselves and our loved ones, but those who are unkind to us as well. I did, and I feel better about the whole world.
The teacher may have been very kind to you as a student of hers. However, and not to belabor a point, you were at the most 17, and may not have seen all of the facets of her personality. You have met another side, and sadly, learned that she, too, has feet of clay.
I fear for this country as politcal dialogue is no longer political dialogue; it is at best haranguing. Rush Limbaugh makes his living by being out there beynod the pale.
And what have we to say of Michael Moore, the darling of the liberals? He is simply the flip side of the characterization.
As to the controversy over required insurance for birth control, The Catholic Church's position is nothing new; it was succinctly set out by Pope Paul VI in Humanae Vitae in 1965. We shall see where this goes; but I can guarantee the Church is not going to back down. I am not quite sure that either the Senate or the Adminsitration has figured out that the line has been drawn in the sand. The line, however, is quite clear.
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