Take Your Wife To Work Day

Here is where I was this morning at 9:00 am:

"Take Your Wife To Work" Day is all the more exciting when you work at the Oregon State Penitentiary as a Corrections Officer, I've decided. And I enjoyed every minute of my personally-guided tour with my guide with Ken's delightful and wickedly witty trainer, Officer Maguire.

Well, perhaps not the moment where I was standing in this exact spot:

No one was in the barber's chair, but my feet were planted right next to it and I was gazing upward at five tiers of cells, mouth hanging slightly open. And my stomach was queasy. But I took a shallow breath (it stank in there), steadied myself, and proceeded to enjoy myself as Officer Maguire and I toured the prison together and I learned about all the different places Kenny works - or will work - and what goes on inside the walls of the Oregon State Penitentiary. There were quite a few inmates out walking around as we made our way through the halls and into different blocks of the prison. In certain areas, the prisoners live with slightly more freedom - they have jobs, are able to come and go to work, showers, and use the phone as they like (well, within reason). They police each other (again, within reason). They share a cell, but lock in themselves when they come and go and also share common areas. The area we peeked into looks a lot like this picture below, although the actual pic is from a prison in Eastern Oregon:

I also visited areas that are the complete opposite.

There are prisoners - Maguire said about 200 or so out of the total 2,200 - that cannot seem to do their time quietly and then just get out. They continually fight the system, cause problems, and require segregation in "The Hole." While they have access to the same health care, yard time, and food that the general population has, their privileges are severely curtailed. They live like animals; destroying their cells; throwing all kinds of filth at each other, the guards, and all over the tiers; and there is constant noise and disruption. Special privileges are nonexistent because they are impossible to handle. We visited that area as well, but it was quiet and clean - lunch was nearly ready. After lunch, Maguire assured me, and things would be a different story. We visited other areas of Special Housing, like "The Cage" right next to the administration area, where a kid younger than me was standing (as there was nowhere to sit other than the floor, and that only cross-legged) because he had been out of control and was segregated. The enclosure reminded me of one of those old-time cells crammed in next to the sheriff's desk in the wild west county jail. In fact, if you gave the kid on the left (below) about 4 bars of room, that would be pretty close to as much room as the kid had that I saw today:

"Most of the guys in prison aren't 'bad' people," Maguire told me as we ascended to the second floor. "They just make very poor decisions and end up here. And then there are the guys on Death Row. That's a different story..." I got to walk the tier on Death Row this morning, but only after I assured the guard there that I was not in any way a reporter. Once he was satisfied that I did not, after all, have press credentials, was I allowed to proceed. Funny how that works, isn't it?

I had a moment to grin as we proceeded upstairs to the mental ward. We didn't walk this tier (I wasn't curious to do so - these folks throw things and can get loud, unlike the lifers) but stayed in the guard area. However, we managed to attract notice nonetheless. One of the inmates was carrying on a loud conversation to himself or the guy in the cell next to him when I walked by with Maguire, and suddenly he stopped. "Hey - woah. WOAH. Did you see that? Hey! Psst!" Maguire turned to me and grinned. "If you hear whistling, they're doing it at me." He winked, and I grinned back. Uh, huh. Sure.

Once we had visited all of Special Housing (or "The Hole,") we proceeded outdoors to see the yard and towers, the weight pile, and take note of the various shops and laundry areas that keep the guys busy and out of too much trouble. We even visited the chow hall (lots of guys there, but not super busy - it can hold 400 people comfortably and Ken works there often, and they have cinnamon rolls!) and the infirmary.

Maguire showed me where the escape scene from the 2001 movie "Bandits," starring Bruce Willis, Billy Bob Thornton, and Cate Blanchett was filmed, and we laughed together remembering the fun. (I saw it in the theater, Maguire got to enjoy the filming!). He told me how brilliant he thinks Ken is and how lucky he feels to get such a standout guy as my husband to train. I told him I was glad to share in some of the fun, as I've heard a good deal of "Maguire this" and "Mac that" and was happy to finally meet him. We headed back to HQ in time to bid Officer Baldwin goodbye till he got home at 2:30 or thereabouts, I thanked Officer Maguire heartily for such a terrific and entertaining tour (and for keeping me safe the entire time), and smiled the whole way home in glowing sunshine, very proud of my husband for all the incredibly hard and admittedly very dangerous work he does every day to keep everyone, including the inmates, safe and well.

I sure am happy to see Kenny come home safe and sound every night, and not just because he looks like this when he gets home:

(Editor's note: I had to be in a good mood when I pulled up to the prison this morning - it was no coincidence that my iPod began playing the disco classic "It's Raining Men" as I crested the hill into Salem, and I giggled all the way to the freeway exit. "Well, yes - it will be raining men," I thought to myself. "But - oh, dear!")